The scene opens up on Ocean Grove and we see Foley Anderson and Barney Green chatting on the street. Barney Green is wearing a blue shirt with white stripes, a pair of black jogging pants, and a pair of Vans. He has a hat on that says, "Food Critic" on it. Foley Anderson looks like he just came back from war. He is wearing a grey and white camo tanktop, a pair of blue jeans and a pair of cowboy boots.
Foley: What is your plan?
Barney: My plan is to sneak into restaurants by claiming I am a food critic as you can see by my hat and get free food from it.
Foley: Well, golly gee, You ain't right in the head. That's got to be the dumbest idea I have ever heard. If this idea works, I will buy you a new car.
Barney: Deal.
Foley: Get in the car, Mr. Food Critic..
Foley Anderson climbs into the red sports car and Barney Green gets in on the passengers side. Foley starts the car and goes down the street to a place named Sullivan's Feast. Foley parks the car and Barney gets out. Foley follows suit and they enter the place and Barney goes to speak.
Barney: Hi I am Matt Sharp, a local food critic for The DB. Can I get a sample of some of your food.
Waiter: Right this way, Mr. Sharp.
Barney Green and Foley Anderson follow the waiter and the waiter heads to the kitcken with them and he opens the back door and they both walk out it back outside.
Waiter: Oh and Mr. Sharp or should I say Barney Green, You can't fool me by wearing a food critic hat which has to be the least original idea ever.
Barney: I am Matt Sharp.. You better Adam and Eve it! Wait until I tell Bob Fairway about this. We will get this establishment closed.
The waiter shuts the door and then Barney Green looks behind him and sees an angry mob of people standing behind there.
Matt Sharp Fan: You are so not Matt Sharp.. Lets get him.
Barney Green grabs a trash can lid to try and defend himself. The fans surround him and start to beat him up as Foley Anderson looks on laughing silently to himself. Green hits a fan with the lid and the fan goes down. Green turns around with another lid shot. *clang clang* A fan just hit Green below the belt. The fans start stomping a mudhole in him as he lay's on the ground. One of the fans picks Green up and nails him with the WS DDT. Green is on the ground in pain and the fans leave.
Foley: Do you give up trying to get free food?
Barney:....Ow.. No I don't.. Lets go to another place..Ow.. Hey, my wallet is gone..
Foley: You fool.. I still have it because you handed it to me earlier saying you wouldn't need it.
Barney: Oh! Yeah, that's right.. Lets get going. I will get some free food or my name ain't Barney Green.
Barney Green gets back up off the ground and he dusts himself off. He starts walking back towards his car and Foley Anderson follows him. Foley gets into the drivers seat and Barney gets into the passengers seat. Foley starts the car up and they head to a local place called Peter's Grill. Foley turns the car into the parking lot and parks it. They both get out the car and walk towards Peter's Grill. Barney enters first and then Foley walks in.
Waiter: Can I help you sir?
Barney: Hi there! My name is Peter Parker from The Daily Planet and I am a food critic. I was wondering if I could sample some of the food with my friend here.
Waiter: Sure, I guess.. Wait a second... Peter Parker is Spider Man's secret Identity.. Get outta here before I get my shotgun.
Barney: I am leaving..
Barney Green and Foley Anderson walk back outside the building.
Foley: I told you that it was not going to work.. Did you believe me? No! Just admit it. It's not going to work. You cannot outsmart anyone.
Barney: Yes I can.. Let's try another place.
Foley: I am bringing in a notebook this time. I want to mark down what happens each time.
Barney: Watch and learn from a true professional, you jive turkey.
Barney and Foley climb into the car and Foley starts it up. The car drives down the street a bit and takes a left turn. Foley drives up to a place named Captain Bob's Seafood. Foley turns into the parking lot and parks the car. Barney gets out and Foley gets out with a pen and a piece of a paper to take notes on this. Barney enters the place first and then Foley enters behind him.
Waiter: May I help you, sir?
Barney: Hi, I am Clark Kent from the Daily Bugle and I work as a food critic. I was wondering if My friend and I could get some free food to sample.
Waiter: Oh sure, Mr. Kent. If that is your real name. Barney Green, what are you trying to pull here? You think by pretending to be a food critic is going to get you free food?
Barney: Yes I do. It has to work. My hat says food critic on it.
Waiter: You have got to be the dumbest person I have ever seen. If you don't leave by the count of 10, I will beat the crap out of you.
Foley: Good one, Barney. You see what happens with your stupid plan? It's not going to work. It will never work unless someone is dumber then you.
Waier: 1..2..3..4..
Foley and Barney leave Captain Bob's Seafood and climb back into the car as Foley is quietly laughing at himself. Foley starts up the car.
Barney: Stop laughing at this. Its not funny. I am going to do it one way or another.
Foley: I don't know how I have put up with you. You really are getting dumber each week it seems.
Barney: I still have more money then you, you jive turkey.
Foley: Ok.. You want to keep trying and make an ass of yourself. Be my guest. Don't come crying when you get beat up.
Barney: They won't beat me up. What reason could they possibly have for beating me up?
Foley: Oh I don't know.. Maybe the face you are trying to GET FREE FOOD FROM A PLACE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE MONEY! MONEY!
Foley is driving the car and takes a left to a place called Smitty's.
Barney: Pull in here.. I wanna talk to Smitty!.
Foley: I don't think that Hardcore Smitty owns that place.
Barney: It has the name Smitty in it. It has to be him. He probably has that Canadian Bacon which looks like ham and a lot of beer.
Foley pulls into the parking lot and parks the car. Barney gets on out the car and runs into the place while Foley is still shutting off the engine. Foley gets in there slowly shaking his head while trying not to laugh.
Barney: Hey Smitty! Where are you?
Waiter: Hate to burst your bubble but there is no Smitty here.
Barney: There has to be.
Waiter: There is no Smitty here.
Foley: I told you that already you fool. You don't listen to me.
Barney: I will be contacting my lawyer unless I get a free meal. I will also write a bad review of this place. I am a food critic, damn it. You will respect me.
Waiter: Don't do that. How about we give you a free meal. Don't contact your lawyer or nothing. We can settle this.
Foley stares in shock at Barney with that "How the hell did he do that?" look on his face.
Barney: Deal.
Waiter: Right this way, sir.
Foley Anderson and Barney Green follow the waiter to a booth that doesn't look too sturdy to sit in. Foley and Barney sit down and the waiter hands them each a menu. The waiter walks away from the table.
Foley: I hate you.
Barney: You owe me a car now. I got free food.
Foley: Doesn't end until you eat a piece.
Barney: Okay, smart ass.
Foley: What are you getting?
Barney: I have an idea but I am not telling you just yet.
The waiter comes back to the table and Foley is still in shock and Barney is ready to order.
Waiter: Can I take your order?
Barney: Yes, my good man. For starters, I want a cup of regular coffee. I also want an order of mozzerella sticks. Im still trying to figure out what I want for a meal. Can I have more time?
Waiter: Of course and you, sir?
Foley: I want a bottle of Rolling Rock.
Waiter: Okay.. I will be back with your drinks in a few.
The waiter leaves as Barney still looks through the menu while Foley still looks at him in shock.
Barney: Yes?
Foley: How the heck did you do that?
Barney: Easy, you mention suing and they crumble usually.
Foley: You disgust me sometimes.
Barney: Why, because I got free food?
Foley: I don't know who the idiot is here.. You or them?
The waiter comes back with the beverages and places them on the table.
Waiter: All set?
Barney: Yes, I am. I will have a Bacon Double Cheeseburger with french fries.
Foley: I will have a T-Bone steak. Medium rare.
Waiter: I will be back with your mozzarella sticks in about 5 minutes and then you will get your food shortly.
Barney: Cheers.
Foley: Why? Why is it you get away with such brainless acts yet I try something dumb and get yelled at?
Barney: 2 things.. Luck and Charisma is on my side. Something that Chad doesn't have. He thinks he can roll with me in the ring. I tell you this and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, Chad is a washed up has been that will never be champ. Very delusional as well. Also, From what I heard, the only reason you even got into the Millionaire Club is because the orginal, and wealthiest, members and originators retired. I was by far wealthier then you before the stock market took a shit and flushed it. Only reason you made it that far into the so called Millionaire Club was because the members got sick of dealing with you so they let you join and they all quit. Lords of Impact is over. I don't need you and I sure as hell don't need Hawaiian HardHead. I wish you luck trying to do that so called joke of a stable. Where was I again?
Foley: You were about to say that the bet was off.
Barney: Oh yeah.. The bets off. Anyway, Chad is a standup guy but he is very delusional and not quite right in the head. He thinks by insulting me that its okay. Whatever. I hope he forgets to show up for this match so I don't need to deal with his stupidity.
Foley: I deal with worse from you because you forget stuff.
Barney: No I don't. I tell you what, I bet you that I remember what I ordered. A Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Ha! I ordered that.
Foley takes a sip of his coffee while Foley drinks his beer. The waiter drops off the mozzarella sticks. The waiter leaves as Barney grabs one and takes a bite out of it.
Barney: This is what I have planned for Chad in this match. I am going to brutalize him so badly that he won't be walking out the ring or ever again.
Foley: Chad is a mozzarella stick? Ok.. I give up.. You could probably beat him because he is by far crazier then you.
Barney: I got the plan here and that is I am going to act like I still am part of Lords of Impact except I am going to hurt him badly in this match to the point he considers retirement.
Foley: That's brilliant. That is a great idea I think. It could work.
Barney: Most people don't realize how the mind works. Where was I?
Foley: You were giving me the lease to Green Mansion.
Barney: Oh yeah.. Here's the lease to Green Mansion. Take good care of Green Mansion. I will give you the official lease later on.
Foley: Wow.. Thanks. This is an honor to own your house.
Barney: You know that I don't remember giving you the Mansion but I must have. Anyway, back to Chad. He is a no good chicken neck looking jive turkey. That fool can't even commit suicide correctly. If you really want to die, you die but if you don't, you hesitate and have a higher chance of living. Chad is so unreliable, he makes the UPS Mail Room look like a well oiled machine.
Foley: He was GM of Massacre and an 8x X-Treme Champ.
Barney: Oh.. Well, I have held more gold then him. The X-Treme Championship is nothing. I could be Main Eventing elsewhere. I was Main Eventing in VWF until I realized that place sucked for crying out loud. Here, you start at the bottom and work your way to the top. I could have been VWF Heavyweight Champion but those hog farming mongoloid moron bookers didn't know what to do with me. Chad was GM of Massacre. He was real crazy there. He tried to make my friend, Greg Manix look bad and that just aint cool. That jive turkey couldn't match up to me. Greg is a good friend of mine in this business. Granted, he has enemies but he will tell you how it is. Where my food anyway?
Foley: Don't make a scene. Don't do what you did at Denny's.
Barney: Chad is the biggest joke I have ever seen and if he thinks he can beat me, He has to be delusional to think that.
The waiter comes to the table with the food. He places down the T-bone steak at Foley Anderson's side of the booth and then he hands Barney Green his burger. Barney is sipping on his coffee and then finishes it.
Barney: Can I have another cup of coffee?
Waiter: Sure. Be right back with another cup of coffee.
Barney: Thank you.
The waiter walks away with Barney's empty cup of coffee while Foley eats the steak. Barney grabs a bottle of ketchup and squirts it onto his burger and then he places down the bottle. He grabs the burger and takes a bite out of it.
Barney: This burger is good. We should come here more often, I tell you that.
Foley: I know. This is some good eating right here. I haven't had a good T-Bone Steak in like forever.. man..
Barney: This coffee is very tasty as well. I wonder what brand they use.
The waiter drops off a cup of coffee at the table as Foley and Barney keep eating like a pack of savages.
Foley: Rolling Rock is better.
Barney: I like Rolling Rock but it got old because that was my gimmick. I would drink Rolling Rock coming to the ring and it pretty much got stale swearing. I could say What a shitload of donkey fuck I have ever seen and that's Chad. Chad is a no good asshole that will get beat all over the ring. I will mop the floor with that jive turkey. Chad can run his mouth because his lips are flapping in the wind. I ain't got time to hear a damn word he say's because he is a phony. He doesn't speak the truth. He is a delusional and brainless man. Lord Chad, my behind. I think his head is too far stuck up his behind. I will be sure to get his head unstuck from inside his ass. Ha Ha! Please, he can't even fight his way out of a paper bag. I mean, look at his record. It's dreadful. If anyone thinks that he is going to beat me, they have rocks in their head and I will tell them that personally. This jive turkey doesn't realize that I am the Epitome of Cool. He will dancing in sledgehammer street when I am through. I am Barney Green, baby. Thats who I am. You see- what was I talking about?
Foley: You were talking about how Chad is going to beat you.
Barney: Thats right. Chad is going to mop the floor with and take the win. He is going to beat me from one end of the ring to the other. Hey! Wait a minute. Foley, you jive turkey. That's not what I was talking about. I was talking about how I am going to destroy Chad. Lets see.. I am going to take him out with a good ole Fashion Stock Market Crash. My finisher not a real one, baby. Its Green Time and I am way cooler then Chad. Chad, I am going to do to you what I did to Evan Pierce. Evan Pierce was arrogant but I mopped the floor with him. I hope Chad paid attention because this time, I am going all out and taking him down a peg. I hope Chad paid attention to what I did to Evan because the same thing is going to happen. He better be prepared for this match. I will not back down because I am your next Anarchy star. Hell, I could be your next Massacre star. Chad, you wanted me to prove myself and I am doing just that. You can't even match up to the stars on Massacre or Anarchy. That is why you are on Impact because you suck, plain and simple. GM of Massacre, my foot. You were just a glorified interviewer. Steve Sayors could have done a better job as GM of Massacre. What is Chad going to do when I mop the floor with him? He is going to kneel before Lord Barney Green. Forget Lord Chad. Lord Barney Green, the one true Lord. I am the Lord of the Dance. You have nothing on me and will never be me. I am a true star. You are a washed up hasbeen. Your time is dwindling. My time is coming up and it is now time for me to rise. You can't even match up to me at all.
Foley: Ouch. That was a huge burn.
The waiter comes back to the table and takes away the dishes and leaves.
Barney: You better believe it. I am not a door mat. I will not lay down in the ring and let people beat me. They have to EARN it. They have to WORK for it. They have to FIGHT for it. Chad is no more then your stereotypical loser that thinks by pulling off the crazy gimmick, it's going to work. Lunatic does a much better job. He is probably insane. I don't know for sure but if it turned out he was insane, I wouldn't be surprised. Chad, go ahead and talk a bunch of junk because you are nothing but a jive turkey and that's all I have to say about you for now.
Foley: You ready to leave?
Barney: Might as well.
Foley and Barney get up and start walking around. They both head towards the door and Foley opens it first. Foley leaves and Barney follows. Foley goes to get into the car while Barney gets in on the passengers side. Foley starts the car and the car starts to rev up a bit. Barney puts on his seatbelt and so does Foley. Foley shifts the car into drive and starts to drive out the parking lot.
Barney: Where are we going to next?
Foley: We are going to your interview with Howard Stern, of all people.
Barney: Oh yeah. By the way, I found Green Mansions deed. Here you go, Foley.
Foley: Thank you. You ready for the interview.
Barney: Yes I am. I am ready to give 110 percent like always and knock them away with my style. I am the Epitome of Cool. People don't know me well if they disagree.
Foley: I can't argue with that. You are truly a good wrestler in this business. Why do you always agree to be on Howard Stern?
Barney: Howard Stern is the man though. That show is awesome. You get to watch girls ride the Sybian. Its awesome.
Foley: You are one disturbing person. Anyway, we got to get back to the station soon.
Barney: Yeah, we should get there soon and I am prepared for this interview because its Green Time.
Foley Anderson pulls into the parking lot and parks the car. Foley shuts off the car and gets out. Barney then gets out of the car and shuts the door. They both walk towards the studio. Barney walks inside the studio and Foley does as well...