Step by Step 1/20




Scene: Green Mansion
People: Foley Anderson and Barney Green
Date: October 27, 2008
Time: 8:39AM


:::I wake up in my bedroom which is in Green Mansion and head out towards the Living room and see Foley Anderson relaxing there. Slowly, I sit down and start to strike up a conversation with him.:::

Barney: So Foley, It seems that I am issuing an open challenge to anyone.

Foley: Yes it does but remember that days will go by before someone will answer because they are scared of you. You are a true legend here and will always shine because of it.

Barney: Don't even worry about that as you see I am the man with the plan because people can say all they want about me but whatever. They think they can handle the Green but guess what, they can't. They have nothing on me. Its a daring mission to fight me because i dont back down. I have lived in a big city and have seen just about every con out there so dont even try it. You can't out con me because that would be a joke.

Foley: It really is and anybody who faces you should expect a challenge. I wonder who will face you as not many people have the cajones to take you on.

Barney: Yeah.. I know and the fact these people talk about how I am a jobber but you know what.. I am cooler than most people realize. I am the epitome of cool. Elvis Presley is still the King Of Rock and Roll. James Dean define what it meant to be an actor. Shame he died. What can you do? My life was pretty tough back in the Ocean Grove. I dealt with idiots all the time. You should see some of the people I had to deal with in high school. In fact, let me take you back to the past...This guy, Rick, harassed me constantly until i took him out using the Green Dream because thats the way i roll.

Foley: Exactly. I think you got this match in the bag because half the people are old and haven't been seen in months and even years. I could probably beat them myself and I have a bad back.

Barney: Exactly, baby. You see, people who can hardly fight let alone walk step into the ring to face me and suffer the same fate that most people will suffer when they step up against me and that is the facts. I weigh 320 and I am from the mean streets of Ocean Grove. I can take out anybody and I can assure you it will be a win for Green. Am I gonna back down? No because bustin makes me feel good. Ghost Bustin that is.

Foley: Can you say that on TV?

Barney: Oh well.. They have the ability to edit what I say and if they want to do that. Thats fine because it will be Game Over at LOTR for whoever they put against me because The Green says know your role and shut your mouth.

Foley: I dont think you can say that either because of some copywrite law out there or something.

Barney: Reminds me of a few pranks I did back in the day like the time I had my friend, Reggie's car towed or the time I had twenty cabs show up at Bubba's house. I also had twenty pizza's show up at Fred's house once. Turned out Fred was an alien but whatever. It was still funny like when I prank called a cememtery and got cops to guard it. It was very funny.

Foley: Actually Barn, some of those pranks are not nice. You probably got Reggie ready to beat up some people and Bubba had to go outside and explain to the cab companies that he didn't call them.

Barney: Whoever gets thrown in there. Whether it be MR WS...SP1CE ONE... DAN FIERCE. I really don't care who they throw in there because they will be the unlucky ones because people talk about how I have nothing to give but I have a lot of heart. You can try to crush me but I will overcome the odds. Like when I beat Austin Anderson in that gauntlet match. I went through him, Chuck E. Smith, the Great Iranian Giant, and Mick Anderz. I have fought through many things. I was in the Hidden Treasure match and almost made it but you know what, Life throws a punch at you when you least expect it. You could go for an uppercut and it could go for a hook. Like when people found all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine in my room when I didn't even take any. I got some flack on that but you see, I overcame that as well.

Foley: Why was there naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine in your room? That sounds creepy.

Barney: I eventually figured out who did thanks to the neato security system I got in that room. Turned out it was a prank done by Reggie and Bubba to get back at me but you know what, People can't get me. They can try but they fail. I am hard to confuse. You can't confuse somebody who don't fall for the tricks that you throw at them. I have conned a few people in my life and they usually fall for it because they are idiots.

Foley: You are an idiot at times. Nothing will beat when I fought the nobody of nobodies.. I.P. Freely... I beat him in 4 seconds.

Green: You pee freely? Ha Ha! I am just messing with you. I am very hungry for a nice Spamburger. Thats good eating right there.

:::I head out into the kitchen and open a can of Spam. I start the stove and get a pan and put it on the flame. I grab some butter and put it in the pan. I head back to the spam and I cut it with a knife and I put the piece in the pan and it sizzles. I grab a plate and a container to put the remaining Spam in. I put the plate on the counter and I grab the spam and put it in the container. I put the container in the fridge. I grad two slices of bread and place them on the plate. I grab a spatula and flip the Spam. I wait a few minutes and I shut the stove off. I grab the Spam with the spatula and put it on the bread. I fold it together and take a bite. Yummy.. I head back into the living room and see that Jerry is finally up and I sit down and start chatting with them both.

Jerry: I heard you have entered Lord of the Ring.. What do you plan on doing?

Barney: I plan on drinking Rolling Rock and kicking some ass, baby. This Spamburger is good. I will not bow to anyone. I am done doing that. I am sick of every idiot thinking that I am gonna sit there and let them win. Simply because it gets old hearing that I beat you over and over again. What if I said, I beat you over and over again. Wouldn’t it suck? You are damn right it would. You people are screwed against me because I will not back down. Anyone who expects it has a better chance being named Man of the Year by Time Magazine. I demolished Ryou Bakari Itemri and I will demolish whoever is thrown against me. I grew up where the two choices were fight or run. I always fought for what I wanted and I usually got it.

Foley: Some pure rage from somebody that sounds pissed off. I believe you can do it. You are one of those people who wont quit until they get injured.

Jerry: I remember when you tore your ACL. That must have been fun.

Barney: It hurt worse than that time I dropped a hammer on my foot. Yeah, that happened in a wrestling match with Dave Johnson I think it was. After that, I got put in a Wet T-Shirt Match against some random diva chick. Crimson Skull finished the job there. I had to sit back and heal. I came back a few months later and joined GCW. I beat Black Death there and that was one of my biggest accomplishments. I also was ranked in the Top 20. I eventually retore it here so I had to stop wrestling again but it is back to normal and I am ready to kick some ass. If anyone wants to step up against me, I dare them to because I am the toughest man to beat here. I am the fattest man here. I once got stuck on a plane in the seat.

Foley: How is that even possible?

Barney: Dont even ask. I once ate nothing but glazed and chocolate donuts for a month straight. I drink Arizona Tea which is good. I have no luck with women because I can never find true happiness in my life because I am too odd for a regular relationship. I even held an award for smallest dick ever seen.

Jerry: They really should censor this promo because it makes no sense. Its like a bad WS impression.

Barney: No.. I am the clown prince of tomfoolery. Like some of my dark fantasies like the one involving Rolling Rock, Chocolate Syrup, and Whip Cream.

Jerry: Why do you talk like that? You sould like you are on some drugs.

Foley: I dont even know you have the time with that junk you say. Is it the Spam addiction you have? The Rolling Rock addiction?

Barney: Spam gives you power. You just never give it to a cat or it becomes a super pussy.

Jerry: I am gonna have to apologize for Green's lewd behavior lately. He must be having a few too many liquid lunches i guess. You never know with this guy. He drinks too much and he eats too much Spam.

Barney: It could have been worse. I could talk about the time I got busted for stealing 35 boxes of condoms.

Foley: Why would you steal that many?

Barney: Boredom and I had nothing better to do at the time which created a chain reaction. I used to like to blow up condoms for fun.

Foley: You know condoms are for sex, right?

Barney: I know but whatever. I was a bored man. I tend to do stupid things. I love being rich because if I do something dumb, I can bail myself out with some money. Money Matters and its time that people realized I am gonna take the win and go away your new Lord of the Ring. People can all bow before me and realize that because I will go nuts and show people what I can do in the ring. I figure if The Associate can nearly with the BCW Heavyweight Championship, I can win this. I am better than that old fool. I am better than most of these people and thats the truth. All the people here have yet to see what I am capable of. I will not be bribed to lose or to step down for anybody because I got the power of Chuck Norris behind me and thats the best power money can buy. Ha Ha!

Jerry: Bruce Lee was better and you know it and so do I.

Barney: Bruce Lee's DNA sample was too much for my blood. You know what I mean?

Foley: I believe it. Bruce Lee was legend in those Kung Fu films. You really should study them more if you want to be sucessful in this match. You got nothing to worry about because I confident in you winning this match and a lot of people will be shocked.

Barney: I got this match because I am the Epitome of Cool. You will all see the truth in what I and who I am because this is the Green Time now and not anyone elses time because I will hurt anybody that comes after me.