Welcome to Episode 11: Green Night 3. I am Barney Green and I remember it so you don't have to. Its sorta like drinking whiskey. It gets rid of the demons inside of you. The demons that bring you down.
I have spent seven years drinking and partying. I regret nothing because thats how I roll. Pounding back shot after shot of whiskey.. Tequilla.. whatever. I once got so drunk I woke up in a strange mans bed with a condom hanging out my ass. The guy was pretty nice though. He drove me to the airport.
I won't stop until I reach my goal of achieving greatness. I am going all in balls out to win. Armed with a bottle of Rolling Rock in my hands, I will crack the bottle over your head if I have to.
Now I will tell you a bit about my career in VWF. I don't care who knows about it. I am not exactly well liked over there because of some stupid drama started by a Viking or something. I was a two time Hardcore Champion. I was known as "Big Tyme". That gimmick didn't last because as much as I love Peter Gabriels music, it didn't fit me. Thats like if Scott Carr tried to become a class clown. It wouldn't work.
I was burnt by Daniel and Michael Uha. I tell you what boys, you want to play hard. I don't need a partner to take you both down. I have no fear. Prepare yourself for me. Scott Carr is just an added assurance we will win. You guys have a fifty percent chance of beating any team in WWG. But I am not an ordinary man. I have super powers thanks to the alcohol so you have a fifteen and a half percent chance at best of beating me.
Some people call me foolish yet some call me wise. I celebrate and raise the Irish flag proudly even though I am an American citizen. I am a quarter Irish. Hence why I come out the Dropkick Murphys. I saw them live a few years back. Fun times. I even got on stage and did a few dance moves before I jumped back into the crowd. Fun times.
Tomorrow belongs to me. By the sea of beer, I will drink it until I pass out and when I wake up, start drinking again. I will never say goodbye and together now, I will remember my fallen friends over the years as they fight along side me in spirit. Whether it be Terry Rouke or even Larry White.
A legend is judged by his deeds, not his words. A warrior is judged by his heart, not by his foolishness. A knight is judged by his chivalry, not by how many people he has killed.
I am a simple man with many fears. Some of them stupid like my fear of sock puppets. My fear of needles. Laugh it up.
The emotions that run through me each time I walk out to the ring. Knowing I am taking the risk each time I wrestle drunk. I take that risk I might get injured and die with a broken neck. I deal with Lucifer each time I take a mighty swig of whiskey.
The scene opens up in Green's Apartment and we see Barney Green, wearing a black and green WWG shirt and black khakis, sitting down next to Jeff Night, who is wearing a white suit. Green grabs a bottle of Rolling Rock and takes a swig.
Barney: Feels good to be back even though I was in the hospital due to getting burned.
Jeff: It happens, man.
Barney: I got screwed yet again out of a title shot. I could be Pure Pride Champion right now but Forgotten Sons got involved. Left me in a lot of pain. Thankfully I am still alive.
Jeff: That was scary to see. Glad to see you lived through it.
Barney: The staff worked fast to put it out to save me. I wanted to go out and wrestle but I couldn't. The pain I was in. I couldn't overcome it. I am no superhero.
Jeff: No one blames you for backing down. To be honest, I would have done the same thing.
Barney: Exactly.
Jeff: You do know that you have to go to give a speech to a group of kids about the dangers of drinking, right?
Barney: When did I agree to that?
Jeff: You agreed to it when you were sober.
Barney: Do I have to?
Jeff: Yes you do. Now lets go.
Barney and Jeff get up and they head out the front door. They enter the Night Mobile as the scene fades to black.
The scene opens up inside of a school and we see Barney Green on stage.
Barney: Good morning, class. My name is Barney Green and I am an alocoholic. People say being an alcoholic is a bad thing. Its not a bad thing. You get to drink all kinds of beer and go out partying.
The principal comes running out onto the stage.
Principal: Don't listen to this man, kids. He is very depressed on the inside.
Barney: You may be depressed following the rules of life, man. But I am not. I am having a blast with my life.
Principal: He just thinks its all fun and games because of the abuse he has put his body through. He doesn't even know what day it is.
Green looks at the principal and pulls out his briefcase.
Barney: I know its Friday and say hello to Brutus Briefcase.
Green hits the Principal with the briefcase. The crowd is laughing. Green takes off running and heads out to the Night Mobile. He hops into it.
Barney: Drive, Jeff. I attacked the principal with a briefcase.
Jeff: You gotta stop doing that, man. You are going to end up in jail one of these times.
Barney: Did I ask for a lecture? Besides, they won't arrest me because I am Barney Green.
Jeff: They will arrest you eventually and I will go down with you because of your stupidity.
The Night Mobile takes off as the scene fades to black.
Shoot time with Barney Green. Forgotten Sons, you guys are stepping into the ring against a Mean, Green Machine. You burnt me. I will burn you back.
The pain that I will inflict on you both. You played with fire, now you are going to get burned by the Green Fire. I don't mean alcohol. I mean me. All the Greeniacs are going to go insane when Scott Carr and myself take you both down. Daniel.. Michael.. You don't know what you have gotten yourselves into this time. I will slowly take down The Formation one by one. Brick by brick. Bottle by bottle until I achieve ultimate satisfaction.
I am a good guy. I drink for fun and party with my fans. I even buy them shots. People think that because I am a drunk and not a regular wrestler that makes me a loser. But drunks are more spiritual compared to your average wrestler who spends all his time wrestling and thats it. Drunk talk in bars to each other and reach a deeper level of understanding. Something that most people don't get.
Yes, I am a drunk. I am proud of it. Something that Desmond Rains will never understand. Thaddeus Rains is back apparently but I really don't care. I will take them all down with my friends, Scott, Gweedo, and AJ. I also got a secret weapon that could rock this federation to its core. Lets just say I can call a friend of mine if needed. Things could get a bit more Five Star if you get what I am saying.
Anyways, Forgotten Sons, Good luck fellas. You are going to need it.