That's right. I am gonna waste my time and cut at least one legit promo. I am gonna talk about the greatest wrestler in XWF history and that is Outsider Stone. Stone should be a legend and so should Hardcore Smitty. Stone was a true entertainer. I am just some low-rent knockoff but Stone was the real deal. He could take care of business in the ring and was a class act. Much respect to the guy and I wish he would come back to active competition. Do I dare stay after the PPV? That question rings through my head like my alarm does when I have to go to work at night. While people sleep, I am working in a warehouse overnight making extra money.
Money is always good. I was a fool to believe that dating was a good idea. It's not. All you do is waste money on your dates just to get your dick satisfied. YOu can easily do it yourself. I admit that I jerk off like five times a day. True story. The trick is to ruin the first three. Keep teasing and denying yourself. My eyes grow weary as the morning goes on while I struggle to stay awake. Gotta get this promo done but its worth it at the end of the night.
I am not the brightest guy in the world. I admit it. Sometimes, I get put in situations that I shouldn't be in. Thats a very valid statement because its the truth. Like the time I wound up stuck in a Canada without a passport because I got drunk one night and walked over the border in Yellowstone Park. Gotta love my lack of thinking on my part. I was stuck in Canada for a good two months trying to figure out how to leave. All I had to do was go back the way I came but instead I went to the US Embassy and they pretty much told me I was screwed. I then had to figure out a way on my own. I got so high over in Canada though. Straight up buying weed and blazing. Getting baked and drunk at the same time is a great combination I would say.
I tend to not have the same luck I once did. I lost my company. I lost practically everything. I got a decent amount of money coming in but it doesn't help like it should. I still gotta pay bills and buy pornography. I have a bad pornography addiction. Thats very true. Before I even go out to wrestle, I am looking at porn on my computer. My libido is pretty high for a big guy. I can go all hours of the night. Drink fifty beers and then go have sex or jerk off. Whatever happens happens.
I still know how to have a good time. Best place to party is done in Boston and also if you go down south is where it gets insane. Those southern folk sure no how to have a good party. That old Mason-Dixon really seperates the men from the boys. The beer. The wine. The whiskey. No sleep. Drinking all night and then scoring with some good ol' southern girl as she rides me all night long. I am the best in the world at having sex, drinking beer, and wrestling.
I am more of a partier in case you haven't noticed. Any time there is a party, I am around. I know how to have a good time and dance the night away. I can dance to just about any song and have no shame about it because I am that good. Besides when people see my name, they know they are in for a night. I got plenty of money to burn through. Whether it be from painting houses or wrestling for random promotions. I also crossed over to the music charts with a song that didn't do so well in any markets. The electronic feel to it and my voice didn't work with it.
I can do it all in this business and live it up for the Green Pack. I plan on having a few parties with my fans and celebrate good times. Whether I am World Champion or not, I still do whatever I want. I walk through the arena and make my presence known. I am the Sean Avery of wrestling. Face facts. You people are just obsessed with me because I like to have a good time and eat good food. Especially when the food looks sexy. Its all about how it looks on a plate. Most people don't like when they get food at a restaurant and the plating looks like shit. They want it to look perfect and so do I.
This is my final XWF Match. I know it is. I tried to stay around but I feel this is the best I am gonna do. I am the last hero in the XWF but this hero is growing tired of all the traveling even though I love to party and have fun. Maybe its time to hang up the boots in the ring and focus on my life. Try to find out what went wrong in my life. I am only human and I make mistakes. I don't hide behind the glitz and glamour that some people use. I live in an apartment which shocks people because I used to own a house in Las Vegas. I realized why apartments are better. If a problem happens, You just call the landlord and he has to take care of it. If you own your home and a toilet breaks, you have to buy a new one.
I would sleep in my office and hope for more success. "The Bus Ride" was the only thing that was profitable. I made 10 million on a film that I only spent fifteen hundred dollars to make. My dad was even proud that I managed to make it. Too bad that basing BG Studios in Las Vegas ruined me. I moved out to Las Vegas to make it work. The city that never sleeps and all the loose women in the world. It was a fun run booking BG Studios into the ground. The company I built die by my hand. I remember the day the bank came and took the studio from me. I am still paying off that debt. It was something like twenty-five thousand I owe the bank. I still owe about fifteen thousand of that. My salary is garnished so I took two jobs to pay for it all.
I tried explaining what happened to my father but he split. He left me to deal with the aftermath. The story of my life. He only shows up when I am making money. After that, he splits. There is a reason I drink and he is one of the reasons why. I drink to feel cool. I drink to make my life look better.
I came here to party and drink a lot of beer. The rule of thumb when you drink is to drink so much you forget what day it is. I think I need to take another shot. I figure one day my teeth will fall out. Doesn't really scare me or upset me.
I also love sex. What more can be said? I want some good sex. I am a sex god. I once lasted two hours. It depends how you do it thats the rule. You can go nonstop if you stop at the right second or pop some viagra. Personally, I don't do viagra anymore because the last time that happened, I needed to run to the doctors to get that fixed. It was stuck up for a long time. I tried drinking shot after shot to calm it down.
Fun times. Enough said. I know I am not gonna retain my belt at the PPV. Like I really give a damn about it. I don't care about losing. Look at my record. 31-42-1. Do losses really bother me? Not really because I get paid either way. This has been written in stone as my final match as an active competitor. I got the balls to go out and do whatever I feel like. Maybe I talk about things I shouldn't but oh well. We can't change what has been said or what I do. I do it my way. I do what I want. Yeah, I am 28 years old and I act the same as I did at 24 but that should show you that I am a safe bet because I won't evolve. I would rather be myself and be open to the world about everything.
Up to California for the final match of my career. I am done after that night. Scott Charlotte. Anjelleka Slayter. Hardcore Smitty. Famine Of The Vile. Four worthy people to be known as the last World Champion. I gave up my belt because that was all I wanted was to be known as a World Champion at least once in my career. I would rather see Smitty walk out as champion in this match and go on to the HellDome. He is the only guy in this entire match I respect and will always back him. He is the guy I am gonna stand behind becoming World Champion at the end of the night. Scott Charlotte is nothing to me. A mere nobody that somehow got in this match despite not being active for a month. Same goes for Famine. I can't stand you in general. You are an arrogant bastard and if this wasn't my last match, I would love to get you in a one on one match and kick your ass all over the arena Green style. Anjelleka Slayter. I really don't have a problem with but what have you done to deserve to be in this match? It boggles my mind you made it in.
My training for this match consisted of sitting at the dinner table lifting up a fork to my mouth. I didn't even exercise. The only actually exercise I might have got was when I was looking at porn jerking off my tiny penis. Watched about 24 hours worth of porn in the span of 3 days. Fun times that was. I can wrestle any style. I was the epitome of cool at one point. I still am slightly cool but not in the sense where I am the next big star. Face it, I was the flavor of the month and now I am gonna walk out into the sunset. Through all the blood, sweat and cum I have sacrificed for my career, I regret nothing about it.
I came out at Battle On The Boat in my finest form only to lose both matches but got the World Title wrapped around my waist at the end of the night. Yeah, baby. I feel good about that and am just a ramblin' man but thats alright. I love talking about my life and keep it going. Make people wonder if I am actually gonna shut up or just keep talking as I pound back another can of Guinness. The dark liquor going down my throat as I am getting ready to go.
One more match. Just one more to go and then I am done. The end of my career is tonight. I am gonna lose and I am okay with it because I know the Green Pack will be outside with me partying all night after the show and I can walk away a happy man.
Thanks for the memories, XWF and good night. I will always remember my time with this promotion fondly. Even though I made a few mistakes, it was still a good run. Later.