The Return

~ Barney Green- Money Matters!!! ~

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Guess who's back? Green's back. That's right. You can boo me all you want to. I really don't give a damn. Life on the lam. Against the world. The man that once would get drunk and dance in public is dead. The man that is tired of being made a mockery has risen from the ashes. I am sober now and I feel great. You fans tried to poison me. You kept buying me shots at the bar and getting me drunk. Laughing at me. You were never on my side. I would go home banging trannies after a hard night of drinking. Risking my life for you fans. I am done doing that.

Now lets take a brief look at my opponent. Britani Gattis. I don't know much about you but I plan on doing my research. You see, before I go into battle against a person, I do my research. So it seems you were an honor student in high school. Let me tell you something, sugar pie. That means jack in this business. You are risking your life stepping into the ring with a maniac like me. You will be on your back so fast that you will think you were at your prom. I hate to dissapoint you on this. I am not gonna bend like I do for Mistress Randi. I got no problem with you being a lesbian. I don't hate against anyones sexual orientation considering I am bisexual myself. In my past, I used to get drunk and sleep with trannies. I already promised Mistress Randi I won't use the Goodnight Kick on you.

I do what I am told. I will always love Mistress Randi even though she spends all my money and I am in so much debt that I had to take a second job painting houses in my spare time. Everything I know about landscaping, I learned from my father, Roger. I just don't understand why my parents named me Barney Allison Green. I asked my dad that question and he doesn't even know the answer. Laugh that one up. I will just beat you up. I may be a puppet but at least I am not a muppet. That used to piss me off when I am out working and idiot fans would shake the ladder I am standing on. They cost me money when I ruined a customers prized Sunflowers. I had to pay for the damage they caused. It was fun explaining that to Mistress Randi on why I didn't get paid. I don't think my balls have ever been the same since then.

It's gonna be a straight up brawl against me, Princess. You ever hear of rock'em sock'em robots? It's gonna be exactly like that. There is really nothing spectacular in my moveset but I can easily beat you down with my fist. Add you to my list. List of victims that is. I got the swagger and still got the moves like Jagger. I will fight circles around you in the ring once you hear the bell ding. One. Two. Three. All over for you.


The scene opens up inside of Barney Green's house. We see Mistress Randi, dressed in a blue dress and black heels, standing next to Green, dressed in a black Boston Bruins shirt, navy blue khakis, black sneakers and a black and silver collar, who is kneeling next to her.

Mistress Randi: I got a question,Slave. How come your Discover card bounced? You know how embarrassing that is for a woman of my needs? I am too good to be with you. Care to explain, Pindick?

Barney: Yes, Mistress. I need to pay off that card and handed you the wrong card. I meant to hand you my Visa Card. That card is paid off. I still need to pay Mastercard and American Express as well. I am sorry. Can you forgive me, Mistress?

Mistress Randi slaps him across the face hard enough to leave a slight hand imprint on his face.

Mistress Randi: Now we are even. You got a job to go to today and I am forbidding you from removing that collar. Let that be a lesson to you, slave. I am better than you and you need to be embarrassed like I was today. Give me your Visa Card and get out of my sight.

Barney: Yes, Mistress.

Green reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it and pulls out his Visa card and shuts his wallet. He hands his card over to Mistress Randi. Randi takes it from him and Green walks away on his knees. Green places his wallet in his pocket and grabs his keys which were on the dining room table. He then opens the front door and leaves. He shuts the door and gets up to his full height. Green reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cellphone. He dials a number. Green places the phone to his ear and goes to speak.

Barney: Hi, Jeff! Where are we going today?

Jeff: Hey, Barn! We have an assignment out in Braintree today to paint a one story house. Should be fairly easy to get done. At the end you should have about $425.50 which is after the split. They want the house painted a cream color. I got the paint, the paint brushes, the ladder and everything else we need in the Night Mobile. I should be there in about five minutes.

Barney: Sounds good, bro. I look forward to working today. Problems with the girlfriend. Time to paint some happy little houses and hope I don't have a happy little accident.

Jeff: You looked like the Jolly Green Giant. That was funny. hahaha.

Barney: Shut up! That wasn't funny. I had to walk home because you wouldn't let me in the car. It was a good thing my house was only a 20 minute walk away otherwise I would have kicked your ass.

Jeff: Hahaha. Anyway, Man. I am gonna hang up the phone. See you in about 2 minutes.

Barney: Okay, bro.

Green hangs up the phone and places it back in his pocket. He walks down the street a little bit. He sees the Night Mobile.



The Night Mobile pulls over and Green opens the passenger door and climbs into the van. Green shuts the door and puts on his seatbelt as Jeff starts to pull out and head towards the highway.

Jeff: Rough morning?

Barney: I screwed up. I gave her the wrong credit card and it wouldn't let her purchase the item she wanted. She was pissed at me.

Jeff: Look on the bright side. You get out into the sun and get to paint some houses today. Why do you stay with her?

Barney: She saved my life, bro. I used to be a drunk. You saw how bad I was. I would get drunk and wind up in places I don't remember going to. I was glad when you and Platinum would be out with me drinking because you would make sure I didn't wind up in a place where I could get hurt.

Jeff: I am glad you are sober now but it seems that you have become a bit of a jerk at times.

Barney: Sorry, bro. I just feel frustrated at times from all this work I do. I am wrestling in UCW, WWG, and XWF right now as well as painting houses on my days off. Its worth it though to make sure Mistress Randi gets what she wants. I haven't had sex in about four months now and I don't even have time to send the troops out to war.

Jeff: Too much info, buddy. I don't need to know about your nonexistant sex life right now.

Barney: She controls every little thing I do. She follows me to every wrestling promotion I go to. At least she doesn't follow me to this job. I clean the house and do every thing while she goes out partying and spending my money. When I do go out, I can't even order my own food. She gets a steak dinner while I am stuck with whatever she orders for me. I am happy though. I sleep on the couch while she sleeps on a two thousand dollar bed I bought her. The only thing I got to keep is my clothes and a Dropkick Murphys poster. I pretty much had to get down on my knees and beg to keep the poster. I have lost some weight though which is a good thing.

Jeff: That's good, man. Any weight you lose is a good thing. Keep up the good work. We are almost at the job.

The scene fades to black as The Night Mobile continues to drive on the highway.