I miss drinking right now. Situations like this make me wanna grab a nice bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream and chug it down. What I wouldn't do for either that or sex right now. I would sacrifice my right arm and left leg for it. The alcohol that is because I can easily stroke my own penis off if I am really desperate. I am happy I am sober though but at the same time, what have I gained from it? Yeah, my career is on an upswing right now. I look so out of place in this match. Let's look at the competition.
Heavy D. My old drinking buddy and a friend of mine. It's a shame you have fallen into the same trap I once did. You drink to excess and do these ridiculous things. Caused me to get into a bunch of trouble. Here is a little hint for you, fella. This match is all about yourself so don't expect me to avoid eliminating you because guess what, i will throw you overboard no problem.
Cyren. Are you fucking kidding me? He is in this fucking match? I mean, really? Fuck that fucker. He is a fucking twat that always gets drunk and rage quits. He suddenly decides to come back and gets an automatic title shot. Maybe I should get drunk and rage quit like he does. I won't do that because I am better than that sick fuck. I really hope he isn't in this match. Somebody might want to get in touch with his next of kin if we meet up. He is gonna get hit by a 360 pound wrecking ball. I hate him. That little bitch. Can't contend so he throws a little mantrum and runs with his tail between his legs when doesn't get his way. If you read this, go fuck yourself and I hope you die. I hope your parents die. I hope anybody involved with you dies. If I had a son like you, I would have killed myself.
Jose Chavez. Who? Some old school wrestler that managed to win the World Title at one point and Lord Of The Ring. I give you credit for being able to do that. Sadly, This isn't your night. This is my moment. My night to show the world the truth. That I can light the lamp. I am a showoff and I know it. The best wrestler that the XWF has right now. Pity, you won't win but you are welcome to watch me raise the belt above my head which is gonna happen.
Mighty Jack Tyler. You are now a wannabe supervillian. Real original. I am gonna show what a true villian does by sending you overboard no problem. You are gonna get jacked off of the boat. Nail you with the Goodnight Kick and send you careening off of the boat. I can do this all day. I will show you and everybody else what I am really capable of.
Kyle Shane. The so called God of Game. You wanna talk trash. I can talk trash just as well if not better. I got a transcript of your promo in a letter. I am not suprised that you called me a nobody. I have been with the company longer than you and will show you what I am truly capable of. You talk about me like trannies. That's cool. I am honest with the world about myself. I am bisexual and proud.
Tell me that doesn't get your dick hard. It gets mine rock hard right now. But lets get back on the topic at hand. You ever insult Mistress Randi again and I will be your worst nightmare. I will make your life a living hell by kicking your ass all over the ring and possibly fucking you in the ass afterwards. You should be scared right now. I will send you over no problem. This federation will live just fine with me as Universal Champion. I am that great. You called me a slow-witted, fat and out of shape idiot from Boston. I may be fat but I am not out of shape. I can still wrestle 20 minute classics and win. I may be slow-witted but I can still fight. I got no fear in the ring. I don't care how much blood I lose. You talk about me stealing material from shows i have seen on television. How about I call you a fucking twat, you fuckface. You can go fuck off, yes? I can still film a better promo than you when I am half asleep and in pain from my kidney stones than you ever have in your entire life, fuckhead. See you in the ring, princess.
Kore.. You are another disgrace to this promotion. I really don't have much to say on you but I will give it my best shot. You are a drunk as well that will eventually die from the disease. Alcoholism kills. Stay out of my way in the match and let me win. I am ready to win the match and make an impact. What better way to do it on my final night with the company. Take the belt to Gabriel Tizo's office and place it on his desk for WWG. That's the perfect idea.
K-Money. Your name alone sounds like some wannabe rapper that never made it big because people viewed him as a joke. I view you as a joke because I can easily kick your ass all over the ring. When I get through with you, you will be white. You will change skin colors.
Eric Anderson. I look forward to facing you in the ring. You are such an incompetent GM and I am glad I no longer have to put up with your incompetence. I look forward to kicking your ass with my size thirteen foot. I am gonna enjoy inflicting pain on you. You better be ready to duck and cover and hope that one of my shots sends you overboard because you will experience hell in the ring.
I have plenty to say and accomplish in the ring. I will reach that next level just to prove a point that I am good enough. I am going to do just that at the PPV and when I win, I will raise the belt high and walk off the ship with the belt. I gotta plenty left in my tank for a change.
Now onto a bit about myself. I am on this winning streak now. Two wins down. Eight to go. After I hit ten wins, I get to have sex and I am so happy about that. I just hope I can last longer than a minute because this has been the worst three months of my life. Waiting for that release while my balls fill up begging for a release but none has happened yet because of this damn rule she made. This lifestyle is driving me crazy. Maybe I should sneak out to Las Vegas for a few days to party and have fun without telling her. Just tell her I am gonna go to work but not actually go and take a flight out to Vegas and than drive the rest of the way to California when it comes time for the boat to set sail.
Gamble and win some money to help pay off the debt I am currently in. Dance all day and all night. Maybe drink a beer or two. I am not an alcoholic anymore. I am grateful for my girlfriend. Mistress Randi means the world to me but I really wanna go out on my own for a few days and have some fun. I am really out of her league. What girl would want to go out with a pathetic useless person like myself. I am not that attractive. I got crooked teeth and a lazy eye but I still get the job done. I am no woman's desire. I am the consolation prize they give to the woman that places last in a contest. the dog that gets kicked around and overlooked because there are flashier wrestlers around.
I am just a brawler but each punch I hit you with hurts ten times as worse. The blood will spill in that ring and people will fall overboard as one man stands alone in the ring and his name is Barney Allison Green. Go ahead and laugh at my middle name. I could really care less. Why not break out the fat jokes, too. Call me a disgrace to pro wrestling all you want but guess what, This disgrace is walking out with the Universal Championship.
If a heart attack and kidney stones can't stop me from wrestling, nothing will. The only person that could stop me is Mistress Randi but she wants the money so I will continue to march on in the wrestling business no matter what gets thrown at me. No matter how many injuries I rack up, I will be back in the ring living out my dream. Earning the money and giving it to my Mistress to spend it all. I used to be rich but alcohol ruined my career. Producing dumb movies like "The Bus Ride" which earned me millions of dollars. Just a seventy minute movie following the life of a Las Vegas Bus Driver. People got on the bus and got off at their stops. After that, "The Plane Ride". A movie following passengers on a plane. That earned me some money but not much due to people not liking it for some reason. Then, "The Car Ride". Title says it all. Just a man driving around in a car for sixty minutes. My alcoholism raged fierce during that time as I would go to work each day and spend sixteen to twenty hours a day in the studio editing. The final project was "Green Dreamed!". Yeah, I filmed a porno to try to save my career and that didn't sell well. I know I have copies buried in the Las Vegas Desert because it was that bad. I guess people didn't want to see a fat man with a three inch penis getting fucked by a tranny. I am not even going to talk about that anymore.
I have been arrested before for disturbing the peace and disorderly conduct back when I would drink. I once got so drunk that I urinated in some guys gas tank and I had to pay the guy a boatload of money. I once fell asleep on the hood of a car because I was so drunk. Fun times that was. I started drinking back when I was 12 years old. I am 28 now and have stopped for the time being but I plan on going out to Las Vegas to have some fun.
I am gonna go out and pound back a few beers in the process with a few friends of mine. Maybe call up Davis Starfire and celebrate in style. Jeff Night will be there like always. Go out and kick it old old school. It is gonna be a fun night. I honestly have no fear right now. Whatever Mistress Randi wants to do to me is fine with me. I need to party at leaast one more time. Later.
The scene opens up inside of Barney Green's House and we see Green, who is dressed in a black and gold Boston Bruins shirt with blue jeans and black sneakers, standing in the living room by himself. He reaches into his pocket and grabs his phone. He opens it and calls somebody. He places the phone by his ear and goes to speak.
Barney: Hey, Jeff! How are you doing?
Jeff: Hey, Barn. I am doing good. We don't have any work today involving houses. Yourself?
Barney: I could be better. How about we head out to Las Vegas for a brief party before I go out to Battle On The Boat. I got in touch with Davis Starfire and he is gonna be at the airport waiting for me. You down?
Jeff: Hell yeah, man. what about Mistress Randi?
Barney: Forget about her right now. She is gonna be gone for about another hour or so. Can you come and get me in about 20 minutes. I just gotta grab some clothes before I leave. She isn't even gonna be at the PPV because I am running on that boat. It's time for me to stand on my own two feet right now and win.
Jeff: Give me ten minutes. I am on the road right now. I am near a Dunkin Donuts.
Barney: Okay, bro. See you then. Later.
Jeff: Peace, man.
Green hangs up his phone and places it in his pocket. He grabs his wallet from the coffee table and places it in his pcoket. He walks towards Mistress Randi's room. He opens the door and goes inside. He opens up the closet and pulls out a suitcase. He places the suitcase on the bed and opens it. He goes back towards the closet and shuts it. He goes towards the bureau and opens it. He pulls out a Teemu Selanne Jersey.
Barney: Perfect. I found the shirt I am going to wear at my match at Battle On The Boat. Might as well kick it old school by wearing the Selanne jersey. Future Hall Of Famer. I am gonna win both matches with this jersey on. Normally I would use the Mark Recchi jersey but it has seen better days.
Green places the jersey in his suitcase and grabs a pair of blue jeans from the open drawer. He places it in the suitcase. He grabs a few pairs of underwear and places them inside the suitcase. He grabs two more shirts and two pairs of khakis. He shuts the suitcase and shuts the drawer. He exits the room and heads towards the front door. He reaches on the table and grabs his keys. He exits the house and shuts the door. He walks down the steps and heads up the street a bit.
Barney: Time to go for one last shot at making an impact. I know I can do it. I got the wrestling ability to do so. I made it this far in such a short time. It's time to go to Las Vegas. My old drinking ground. I honestly don't care what Mistress Randi wants right now. I wanna go out and party with my friends before I go out to the sea.
Green sees the Night Mobile start to drive down the street. The Night Mobile pulls over and Green opens the door and climbs in. Green throws his suitcase in the back in. He shuts the door and puts his seatbelt on. Jeff starts to drive the Night Mobile again and it heads back out onto the road.
Jeff: What airport are we flying out of?
Barney: Logan. Time to party and have fun. I already bought the tickets. I feel I need to do this because whatever happens at the end is gonna be worth it. I don't care what punishment I face. I am pretty sure there is gonna be hell to pay when I come back but oh well.
Jeff: If you ever need a place to stay, call me. I know how your relationship is. She is a very controlling person from what I have seen. She spends all your money and sent you into debt.
Barney: I appreciate that, bro. This weekend is gonna be fun. A good old party in the LV. Las Vegas that is.
Jeff Night pulls into Logan Airport and parks the Night Mobile in a parking spot as the scene fades to black.
So. Look who is. The man with the plan. The greatest man that has ever lived. I have proven in the past I will rise to the occasion and make my presence known. I have already done one of them. At the PPV, I will do the other by winning the belt. I am tired of being held back in the midcard feuding with a no name hack like Peter Bitchmore. All he is a constant complainer who should have been fired. He got stuck fighting trolls which were hired to purposely lose to him to get him noticed. Look what happened. They actually won. You ever insult Mistress Randi again, Bitchmore. I will kick your ass all over the arena and city we are in. You think you are this tough guy when in reality, you aren't.
Now, I am taking the trip to Las Vegas just because I feel I have to. No matter how much I get punished for it in the end is worth it. I am ready to accept it and will deal with it. I literally snuck out while she is shopping with my Visa. Oh well. I got the rest of the cards with me and will be buy shot after shot of whiskey. Maybe even buy a pint of Guinness to celebrate. I am Mr. Excitement. I may not be the best looking guy but I still got the moves that can make the skirts sway.
I get to sit on an 8 hour plane ride out to Las Vegas. Shame she cant call me as my phone will be off. I will answer it when it comes time. I got a room in a cheap hotel for a few days. I might get laid during this journey. A certain wrestler put it best, "The Thrust Is A Must!". I agree with that statement. Later.
The scene opens up inside of a plane and we see Barney Green sitting next to Jeff Night, who is dressed in a lime green suit with black boots, and Green is taking a sip from his chea plastic cup of Diet Coke. He downs it in one go. The plane is up in the air and Jeff goes to speak.
Jeff: Thanks for inviting me, man. I am excited for this trip. We have no other jobs to do for the rest of the week anyway. Do we even have a hotel room?
Barney: Yeah, I registered a room already. I also talked to Davis Starfire and he is gonna meet us at the airport and drive us around the LV partying. Drink some good beer and maybe do some drunk singing inside of a bar. My pipes still work just fine.
Jeff: Good, man. I look forward to it. It was always fun watching you get drunk and just party. I remember that bar you got us kicked out of because you broke a table. Fun times.
Barney: I remember that. I got so wasted that I lost my balance and crashed through it. You and Platinum practically carried me out of the bar to get me home. Thankfully you guys were around to get me home. The years that have gone by in my life. It is amazing I am still alive.
Jeff: I know, man. You have drank and partied all over the globe. Even gotten laid in just about every country. Granted most of the time, you were having sex with a tranny which scared me the time I walked in on you having sex with one.
Jeff Night reaches for his plastic cup of Sprite and takes a sip of it as Green goes to speak.
Barney: That is why you knock before you come on in to my hotel room. Sometimes, I may be having sex or I may be sleeping. You never know what could be going on in that room. Just knock before you march right in. You learned after that.
Jeff: I sure did. That was uncomfortable for the both of us. Lets change the subject. I am shocked you agreed to even participate in two matches at Battle On The Boat.
Barney: I have to prove myself to the higher ups and the fans as well. It's time for a change. I got tired of being overlooked. Being ignored and left for obscurity. When I am around, the fans recognize who I am. I am not the most talented wrestler but I will fight and win.
Jeff: You got the skills to do it. I know you do. I have seen you wrestle since you were 24 and you are now 28. You are now considered a veteran in the ring. I remember the many matches you have had in the XWF and the wins you have achieved. You haven't really had much success but you can rise to the occassion when needed.
Barney: Thanks, bro. I try my best. Apparently the match changed where the winner gets the Universal Title. The runner up gets the World Title and the other runner up gets the US Title. That just overgluts the match. It makes it seem less important because somebody like Dark Shadow could walk out US Champion just because he made it to the final three. Not like that would happen. I won't let that happen. I can promise that much. He will be out first probably. I know who The Third Man really is. "Mr. Anarchy" Robb Forester. What a shock that is in all honestly. I was not expecting him back but I will show him who the real teacher is.
Green reaches for his cup of diet coke and finishes it. Jeff goes to speak.
Jeff: Just another hour or so to go and we will be in Las Vegas, man. I look forward to it. I just hope you don't get into too much trouble when you come back home after this trip.
Barney: We are gonna totally tear up the LV, Bro. Like seriously, The LV isn't prepared for the awesomeness that is Barney Green. Drinking beer and partying until I make the trek out to California to get on the boat out to sea. I paid off my debt to Las Vegas awhile back during my bankruptcy hearing. They wound up garnishing my wages for a long time.
Jeff: I remember that trial. It was a good thing you got a good lawyer that helped negotiate it down a bit. What made you decide to get into pro wrestling?
Barney: I wanted to crossover from the movie industry to the pro wrestling industry and I met Foley Anderson. Foley is a great man even though we don't talk much anymore. He is the guy that mentored me in this business and taught me the inner workings. He could fly in his heyday. He still wrestles occasionally but not as much as he used. His legs have slowed down a bit but I still consider him a good trainer. I even adopted his finishing move as one of my signature moves. The Foleyplex. That move used to finish matches for him.
Jeff: Interesting. I never knew that.
Barney: I wanted to move away from the movie business because apparently if people like the first movie you do, they aren't gonna like the second, third, or fourth one you do. "The Bus Ride" sold millions. I made a good 460 million off of it. I was loaded after that. "The Plane Ride" barely sold. I only made about 30 million off of it. "The Car Ride" didn't even break even. I wound up losing about 200 million on it. I tried one last project. "Green Dreamed!" didn't sell either. I only sold about twenty or so copies and the rest got buried somewhere in the desert. I still have about forty or so copies in a storage unit that I never told Mistress Randi about in Las Vegas. I could relocate to Las Vegas if I really wanted to. The storage unit houses quite a few things she doesn't know about. I have dvd's of my old matches hidden away in storage from GWF, VCW and many other companies. Along with old clothes I haven't worn in awhile.
Jeff: I have seen just about every movie you produced but that last one. I don't understand why people didn't like the sequels. I don't plan on ever watching that last one, man. Sorry. Is that why you didn't pack much on your journey?
Barney: It's all good. That is exactly why I didn't pack much. You learn to travel light especially when we are going to the LV. My old home town. I lost Green Mansion. That was terrible. Especially when the police showed up and I don't mean the band. They had me pack everything I could grab and I had to turn over my keys. I lost my glass elephant that I owned and I nearly cried at that one. But what can you do? I had to go back to Boston. My home for years. I grew up in the rough parts and had to fight in order to survive. That started my addiction to alcohol. I had to numb the pain somehow. Each fight gets you noticed more and more. I got noticed for my ability to fight. I was the class clown but I could handle myself no problem. Some people hate the class clown so you learn to protect your ass.
Green looks out the window for a seoond as the intercom goes off.
Captain: This is your captain speaking. It is now 3:35PM and we shall be landing in McCarran International Airport in about 10 minutes. Please remain seated until you are instructed to get up.
Barney: That is good to know. Almost time to go out and have some fun. Just another ten minutes on this plane. I can stop by my storage unit and get some clothes to wear on this journey. At least I know Davis is waiting at the airport. I am glad you decided to come along with me, bro.
Don't worry about it, man. You know I always have your back regardless of what you do. I always support you. You are a true man that will speak your mind regardless of the situation. That is why I respect you.
The scene fades to black as Jeff Night and Barney Green continue to talk as the plane gets ready to descend.