Maybe I am defective. Who knows? Maybe I should just go back home to Mistress Randi and do what I am told. I am never gonna go anywhere in this promotion. I am just some broken down loser that gets turned on by girls who hate me and jerks off to porn constantly. My record is 10 times in one day. The trick is right when you start to lose control, grab your cock as tight as possible and stop the cum from escaping. I did that 9 times before I let it actually go. I felt ecstacy to the point that I actually swore out loud instead of staying quiet. I used to spend about $200 to $300 a week at Clips4Sale.com. Purchased clips from Worship Bratty Randy and Tara Tainton XXX. Fun times especially when they deny you that right to orgasm. I also used to have a membership with TS-Seduction.com and UltimateSurrender.com. It was always entertaining to me.
Now lets move forward towards a guy that tried to get me to give up hope at winning this match. K-Money. Maybe I do repeat myself because alcohol is a poison that is gonna kill me one day. I have accepted that fact. You talk about my production company still being in business. I can tell you that it's not. You talk about me recycling from my previous promos. I can't believe you would think my memory would actually remember what I said in 2008. I will give you the size thirteen foot one because I did overuse that statement. Talking about my blood flowing. You get that one too. I am a man of low intelligence. What more do you want me to admit to? I am a fraud and a cheat. Good job, you found out the truth about me.
You are right. I am a pussy. I ain't afraid to admit that I am afraid of women. Why do you think I go after shemales? It's a lot easier for me to talk to them because its sorta like talking to another guy. Only difference is its a guy with breasts and looks like a woman. I can still get it up in any situation and I don't need viagra. It's just that small.
Mistress Randi was the first girl I actually wound up having courage to talk to after my first girlfriend left me when the money faded when I was 24. Her name was Tessie. The only thing that was left in Green Mansion when she left was her jacket. The jacket that I gave her on our first date. She was the one that took my virginity. I was 24 when I actually got laid for the first time. I am not ashamed to admit that I only lasted 2 minutes. This relationship with Mistress Randi is following the same pattern as my first one. I am working everywhere and spending money like crazy. The only difference was I got sex in the first relationship. I get none in this relationship. I am not even allowed to jack off.
Moving on to another subject here. I guess because I don't know where to move on from that while I am in this intoxicated state. 13 pints of Guinness Draught so far and still standing. I am gonna raise Irelands flag high before I make my entrance at the PPV. Yeah, I was born in America but that doesn't mean I can't celebrate my Irish heritage. i wasn't able to afford the Dropkick Murphys to perform my entrance theme. The Pogues haven't responded to my messages. I called the Young Dubliners after that and managed to convince them to do my theme. That's right. "The Rocky Road To Dublin" is coming back for that one night.
The fans will be cheering my name and I will go out there in style. With the flag in one hand and a can of Guinness in the other. You wanted a war with a irishman, fella? I may not really be from Ireland but I am the closest you are gonna get. This will be the Philadelphia Flyers vs. The Boston Bruins. The series were my Bruins swept the Flyers in 4 games and went on to win the Stanley Cup. All because of players like Nathan Horton, Zdeno Chara, Tim Thomas, Patrice Bergeron, and Mark Recchi. We beat Vancouver in 7 games and took the Stanley Cup back to Boston. Time to take another sip of Guinness.
I can cut promos no problem. I know the art of cutting promos pretty well. I might not be the most intelligent person to ever step into the ring but I have fought back against the hand life has dealt me. Fat. Drunk. Stupid. Small Penis. I go out every match and give a hundred and ten percent despite the odds being stacked against me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and will keep going until I die. I know I am gonna die eventually. Until then, why not party and have sex with everybody?
I have pretty much got this match in bag with my swagger. I got the style to go the distance. I am gonna prove to the world that I can do it. I will try my best not to repeat myself because I am ready to win. I was born for this match. Time for me to light the lamp for Boston. Put some gold around my waist and shock the world with my skills. I know I got them and that is all that matters to me. In fact, I am so pumped and excited for this match that i might decide to stay after the PPV. I might sign an extension.
Jose Chavez. Let me talk about you for a little while and hope I don't repeat myself. I saw your recent promo on me. Good work, man. You think insulting my voice is gonna make me cry. That isn't gonna work, fella. I have been called every name under the sun in my career and I still keep going forward. You can insult Ryou Bakari Itemri all you want. I hate that man as well. If we ever meet up, I will probably beat the ever loving piss out of him. Same goes for you Chavez. I may not be the smartest person in this match but I will show you that I can still win. You may be faster and smarter than me but I still got the heart and determination to win. I got the soul and passion to win. I am the last good guy left standing in this match that has a shot at winning. Maybe afterwards we can have some wild sex. You know you want my cock. You talk about me being Honkey Lighthouse 2.0. I have to give you that one because I have lost more matches than I have won. You talk about me quitting twice a month. When I do leave, it's because of medical problems. You try wrestling with kidney stones. They hurt really bad. You insult my voice. Yeah, I admit I talk slow but guess what, that doesn't mean anything. I have been wrestling with the XWF since 2008 on Impact. How come this is the first time I have seen you in all that time? Mr. Veteran. Care to elaborate on that one, fella?
It's funny at all the names in this match. Look who has managed to make himself look like a threat? Me. Barney Allison Green. The name that nobody thought they would hear mentioned for the Universal Title. Unbelievable. Believe it. You better bet on my victory at the PPV as the Young Dubliners play my entrance theme. The tears that will be running down my face as I celebrate. I am not afraid to cry over this moment. The one crowning moment will be summed up that night. At the end of it all, I will be hearing my name being chanted. The last man they expected to win wins. Later.
The scene opens up inside of a nightclub and we see Barney Green, Jeff Night, and Davis Starfire on the dance floor dancing. Still dressed in the same clothes as it is now night time. We see Green is a bit drunk and dancing with a woman named Mandi.
Barney: Hey, baby. You as fine as dynamite and you making my irish heart go boom inside. You wanna come back to my room later on tonight and have some fun?
Mandi: I don't know yet. Buy me a couple more drinks, big boy. Maybe I can come to a decision then.
Barney: Okay, baby. Now lets get back to dancing. Don't be afraid of my penis. It's just happy to see you.
Jeff: Umm.. Barney. It's not always a good idea to talk to women like that. It scares them.
Davis: Yeah, Barn. That isn't a good ide.
Mandi: I know who you are on tv. You wrestle all over the place as Barney Green. I thought you were in a relationship with Mistress Randi.
Barney: Well.. You see.. That is kind of complicated right now. I snuck out to Las Vegas and she doesn't know I am here right now.
Mandi: Really?
Jeff: Yeah, I drove him to the airport and we landed in Las Vegas to party and have fun.
Barney: I got tired of working every day and going nowhere so I said screw it. I left Boston to come party in the LV before Me, Davis, and Jeff drive up to California so I can get on the boat out to see for XWF's Battle On The Boat. It's gonna be fun wrestling on a boat.
Mandi: I am not gonna be a one night stand for you, big boy. Maybe you should go look at somebody else than. I expect a real relationship and not some bullshit like this.
Barney: Whatever, bitch. I guess I will go move on to the next woman to show my true sexual skills to.
Mandi reaches for a drink off of a table and throws it in Green's face.
Mandi: You pervert. Get lost before I call security.
Barney: Time to go, guys.
Green, Jeff, and Davis walk out of the club and head towards Davis' car. Davis unlocks the car and starts up the car. Jeff and Green enter the car and shut their doors. The car pulls out out of the parking spot and heads out onto the road. Jeff goes to speak.
Jeff: Wanna just head up to Los Angeles?
Barney: Might as well since we got everything we need in the car. This trip was fun though even though I didn't have sex.
Davis: Sounds good. Its only about 200 or so miles away. We should be in California by morning.
Barney: Fair enough, bro. That sounds fine. Who would have thought that I would be considered a threat like this?
Jeff: Nobody did, man. You just gotta go out there and do your best. Work as hard as you can and strike when they least expect it.
Barney: Yeah, bro. That is exactly what I plan on doing because at the end of it all, they won't expect me to win. They don't want to view me as a threat because they look at my win/loss record. I am better than my record indicates. I am not some youung skinny guy. I admit I am a fat drunk that dates trannies. I don't behind any smoke and mirrors.
Davis: Exactly, Barn. I have seen you in the ring. You got talent but sometimes you slip up a bit but you try so hard and to see you win the belt would make me happy. You have earned it. By the way, Jeff. I was wondering if we could take turns driving.
Jeff: No problem, man. We can do that. Just tell me when you want to switch places and we can switch.
Davis: Okay, Jeff. I will let you know when I am ready to switch.
Barney: Thanks for coming out with me and having fun. It was a fun trip. We got to tore the strip and party. I won Massacre as well which is a good thing. I am glad I decided to do this trip. Mistress Randi may be pissed at me when I come home but its okay. I will deall with it like any normal man. Get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness.
Jeff: Yeah, man. This was one of the best trips I have ever been on. It was fun watching you get drunk and turned down by everyone.
Davis: This trip was off the charts. I got to watch a true God of Drinking in action. Watching my boy, Barney, get drunk and party. Showing the world that he still can do it.
Barney: Hell yeah, bro. I got the iron liver and love for the liquor. I can drink all night and get up in the morning and drink some more.
The scene fades to black as Davis, Jeff and Green continue to talk.
The scene opens up inside of Davis' car and Jeff Night is now behind the wheel while Davis is sleeping in the front seat and Green is still awake. It is now morning and Jeff goes to speak.
Jeff: We are almost in Los Angeles now, man. What a crazy night that was.
Barney: I know, bro. It has been a long night and we can rest when we make it to the boat because we have our own rooms. That was another thing, I paid money to reserve 2 cabins on board. One for us and one for the band. It was very expensive but worth it. We are going out to sea together.
Jeff: Thanks, man. I appreciate that so much. I am sure this is gonna be one of the best nights in your career.
Barney: No problem, bro. It will go well for me because I got no fear in the ring. I am going all out to win both matches no matter how hurt I get. I can still keep going. That is all I can do. Just keep swinging and hope they connect. Keep away from the ropes as much as possible. They can use my leverage against me if I am not careful. I gotta look at it from a logical point view. Hit hard and be careful. I know I am not the strongest man in this match but I will keep going until I can't.
Jeff: That is what makes you such a tough competitor against. The fans always love to cheer the underdog babyface. The one they want to see win but won't be upset if they don't. Know what I mean?
Barney: Yeah, I do.
Davis wakes up as the car drives down the highway.
Davis: Good morning, everyone.
Barney: Morning, Davis. I got some good news for you. You are coming to XWF Battle On The Boat with us. I rented two cabins and you will be in the cabin with me and Jeff. The band gets the other one.
Davis: Wow. I didn't exepct that. Thanks, Barn. I hope to see you win and do everything to the best of your ability.
Barney: I will try my best and I will do everything I can. No matter the cost. No matter how much pain I gotta put my body through to win. I won't go through the deck and I will walk out with a championship around my waist.
Jeff: Yeah, man. You got just about as good of a chance as everyone else does in this match. You are a veteran that knows how to wrestle and keep the match close. I have known you for years and have travelled to different cities with you. I believe in you. You have come far in such a short time. Just keep doing what you do best and it will all work out.
Barney: Thanks, bro. With you all by my side, I just can't lose this match. I feel the confidence within me building to a level it has never been before. I got this in the bag.
The scene fades to black as they continue to talk.
I am ready to go one final time and hopefully do everything right. Just stay motivated and fight with my heart. Use my moves and instincts. I have trained for many days for this match. Drinking beer after beer and walking the strip. Getting into shape and I feel great right now. My kidney stone passed thankfully. I was not looking forward to going to the doctor to have it surgically removed.
I may not be the most decorated superstars in XWF history. I admit I am just a footnote but that will change overnight. I am a two time X-Treme Champion here. I have achieved more success in other promotions but this promotion keeps drawing me back. It keeps getting my attention because it always asks that same question. Am I good enough? Yeah, I am good enough to be here.
I think my lack of evolution should say something about me. I won't change for anybody. Yeah, I have gotten better but I am still the same person I was four years ago. I am 28 now and still doing the same things I was when I was 24. I am more experienced now in life and learned that life sucks. You are better doing what makes you happy instead of pleasing everybody.
My tank is running low on energy but I will go until I can't go anymore. No matter what you say or do to me isn't gonna hurt me. It isn't gonna make me cry. I know thats what people think when they see me wearing a leash and collar. That I am a weak target. You actually look weak coming after me because I am the least threatening person in this match. Yeah, I can do trash talk and I get off topic rambling but its all good. The fans always rally behind me and buy my merchandise. I am working on a new movie in the future since the pilot epsiode of "Green" failed due to lack of interest. It was horribly done and produced. The director didn't know what he was doing.
Everything I touch usually fails but its not gonna do that this time. I can promise you I will walk out a champion. Whether it be US, World or Universal. I will be a champion and show you a true warrior's heart. I back up what I say in the ring. I am not that great of a trash talker or a threat to many people because they always write me off in situations like this but I am still here fighting along to the beat. The heart of a warrior is beating through my chest.
The blood rising through my body as my heart beats faster each minute. I can feel my body turning a bit red from the pressure of my heart. My muscle tighetning as I prepare for the match of a lifetime. The air going through my lungs as everything I have ever done is being laid out on the line tonight. The one chance I have left to make a statement. It's gonna be left out in the ring in big letters. The heart and soul I bring to each match. It is do or die time literally for me as I prepare and the minutes go by. It starts out slow but it creeps up on you. Before you know it, It's the day before the show and you gotta be ready. I got my Teemu Selanne jersey on and blue jeans with my trademark black sneakers. A can of Guinness in one hand and the Flag of my nation in my other. I am representing Ireland because I am an American Irishman and proud of it. The air standing up on the back of my neck.
I have listened to the Dropkick Murphys, The Pogues, and Peter Gabriel for hours as I exercised and got into the best shape of my life. The music pumps me up and makes me smile. Gives me that extra boost I need to get through this match. Get through life. Get through it all. Once my entrance theme plays, I will be ready to go. Ready to show the world. Don't ever doubt me because I can shock you like I am doing right now. Wrestling two matches in one night and showing I can hang with the big names. The latest break out star which shocks people because they look at the name and what I look like. I don't look threatening but I have that way about me. The way to win. This is what I am going to do at the PPV in the heat of the moment. Am I scared? You better believe your ass I am.
I already know what is gonna happen when I fly back to Boston. My balls are gonna be in a vice. I know I am either gonna get kicked in the balls quite a few times, get hit with the cane or get hit with the whip. I hope its the whip because it doesn't hurt that bad. I deserve it for disobeying her orders. This journey was worth the pain I am gonna be in. Go back to my old roots and look at myself in the mirror. Confront my demons and expunge them. Save myself from them.
Yeah, I got drunk and partied all night but I stayed faithful to my girlfriend by not having sex. I wore my pants tight and tried to get the girlies to notice my bulge. All it did was make them laugh. I didn't even pick up a tranny. Man, I must be losing my touch. Tonight is the rebirth of Barney Green. I am a man between two worlds right now. The former drunk side of me is colliding with the serious side of me. As the radio continues to blare, I prepare for this.
Win or lose, I am walking out with a belt. I know I am not the best wrestler but I will try my best to take the top prize. This is a new era. I am stuck in the ring with more accomplished wrestlers but I am not worried. I got experience as well but it doesn't show in the XWF. They look at me as some X-Treme Champion that never went anywhere. Yeah, I have left the promotion more times than I can count on both hands. You will find out at Anarchy if I am staying so stay tuned for that.
If I win a belt, I will be more inclined to sign a new contract as I try to honor my bookings as a champion. I just want my own private bathroom. That is all I want. That and a minor raise to $25,000 per month. I am sure they could spare it. They keep brushing me off at negotiations but this time, I will have the upper hand with any belt around my waist. They have to give me that bathroom.
I am standing at the edge right now by laying it all on the line. Whoever wins the biscuit earned it but I am hoping I can do it. Maybe I still got it or maybe I never had it. Who knows? Time is not on my side right now but I am not too worried because I am confident right now. The GreenPack will be in the audience cheering my name as I come out in style. I am just a simple man earning an honest living by wrestling and painting houses. The money flows in and Mistress Randi spends it. I love her to death and will do anything to make her happy.
This is my moment to shine. My moment to make a statement. My legacy is being put to the test with this final promo from the Kid from Boston. I am Barney Allison Green. Your future Universal Champion in the making after the PPV. See you at Battle On The Boat. Later.
